Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Pants are for mortals
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
