So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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