Umm I'm too high to move.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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