im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
