you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
