Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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