he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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