I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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