Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
