i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
