I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
