What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
