mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
