Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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