The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
