You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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