She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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