Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
