i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The power of my boobs compel you
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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