Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
