I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
