No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
