Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
