Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
