I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
