he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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