Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
