So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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