I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
