Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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