If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
