Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
