no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
