I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
