I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
A bitchslap is in order.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
