By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
