did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just gargled with NyQuil
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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