I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
