Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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