True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
