According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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