i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
