Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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