apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
