We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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