I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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