what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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