Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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