to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
