have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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