It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
